Galloping Greedy Gimmies
Or...what about when you need a Gramps and a Gran but they're dead?
So, our oldest has entered the Berenstain Bears phase of childhood. We have a few books from my and my siblings childhoods and he has decided they are great books. Tonight we read The Berenstain Bears Get the Gimmies” in which Brother and Sister Bear get the dreaded gimmies. Mama and Papa try (sort of) to solve the problem but when Gramps and Gran show up they remind Papa that he too was a once a cub with a terrible case of the gimmies.
They just show up, stop by the house with gifts for Brother and Sister and drop some wisdom along the way. Of course, because this is a children’s book and not reality, their solution works the first time they try it and Brother and Sister are cured of the gimmies.
I haven’t been crying as much recently. Pictures pop up on my phone and bring me more joy than sorrow most days. Today, I flipped that page to show Gramps and Gran drinking tea in the living room and burst into tears. I have my own lifetime of memories of my parents. They were there for almost every major milestone of my life, except the ones they shouldn’t have been there for, they framed my childhood with their love and support. They tried to break as many harmful generation cycles as they possibly could for the sake of their children. And, my own children will only know them through other people’s memories.
We will bring them back to life through stories, pictures and (thanks to Unity Church Unitarian) endless videos. But that isn’t enough.
I want Nana and Grandpa to drop by with helpful, sometimes judgmental, but mostly always loving parenting advice. I want to fight with them about how gentle parenting works and remind them that they don’t need to always buy our kids toys every visit. I want to complain to them about how our oldest won’t sleep through the night and have my mom remind me that I didn’t sleep through the night until I was 5. I want them to be here for the little stuff and the big stuff. I want to be able to call and ask them for help, help with childcare and dinner and all the things they should be here for. I want to be annoyed that they are traveling for some UU something or other so can’t help for a couple of weeks. I want more.
And, I can’t have it. I can have things that are close to it. Friends and family I can call or text. Parents I can borrow from friends for an hour or two. My children and I are surrounded by love and it won’t ever be enough. It won’t ever be just right. It won’t ever be my mama and dadala, their Nana and Grandpa.
