Hard As Diamonds

Or...How do you chip your engagement ring?

Neither of my parents were terribly careful. My mom embraced her tendency for accidents by adopting the phrase “mistakes happen” as one of her most common phrases (see also “sources say” and “what’s true is…”). My dad was less open to mistakes and often uttered a choice swear or two if something got broken or damaged (see also when I crashed the new car into the side of the garage).

Before my mom died we had a family meeting to discuss inheritance. My mom didn’t care a lot about stuff. She had lots (and lots and lots and lots) of beautiful things but mostly she cared about experiences. The necklace was meaningful because of the day she bought it not because of thing. The one thing that was stipulated was the diamond in her engagement ring. What could, for many families, have been a big fight really wasn’t and now that diamond sits in my engagement ring.

I never knew the origin story beyond that it was my paternal grandma’s engagement ring and that she unceremoniously gave it to my mom when they announced their engagement. But I did know that ever since I was a little kid I have admired it and loved how it sparkled. I loved the way it looked on her beautiful fingers with her incredibly, murderously sharp, long fingernails. She never took it off. Gardening, dishes, throwing a slobbery ball for the dogs.

So a few weeks after she died I took it to a jeweler and gave it to them to replace my original diamond. They called me back a couple days later “did you know this stone is chipped?” No, I didn’t. Was it noticeable I wanted to know. They said that no they could hide it mostly under a prong and it shouldn’t be that big of a deal.

Of course my mom’s diamond is chipped. Of course a woman as strong as her would have a chipped diamond in her engagement ring. Because she was so incredibly strong and also so chipped. She had cracks that let the light in. Her ring is chipped because her marriage was hard and beautiful and sparkly all at the same time. Her ring is chipped because she lived her life fully and with gusto, often making mistakes a long the way.

Mistakes happen, mama. Mistakes happen.

These miraculous hands gave us all so much love and care. Many of these rings were found. Most of them had meaning. They jangled when she gestured wildly.

Ps. I wrote an article for my work’s newsletter this week. If you aren’t a faithful reader of the UUMA newsletter you can read it here.