Wiping Butts

Living Life in the Sandwich Generation

Where do I even start? I am an 8 on the enneagram, a Virgo, and an ENTJ in Meyers-Briggs*. Which basically means it’s like feelings? ain’t nobody got time for that.

So that was the before times - when not having feelings much was a choice I could make. It was all fine and I could make all the lists in the world and put everything in order. And be right most of the time. And be able to set a goal, achieve it, and move on. I use spreadsheets for vacation. I am one of those people. Except for then fairly terrible things started happening.

Then I had my first child (a perfect storm of needs, perfection, needs, love, needs, laughter, tears, and if I forgot to mention needs) during COVID with very little (really like almost none at all) support. Then my dad got diagnosed with terminal cancer. Then my mom got diagnosed with terminal cancer. Then my dad died. Then my mom had a massive seizure (more on that later) and then, eventually, my mom died. Somewhere in there I had my second baby.

So there I was wiping everyone’s butts and being too busy to feel any feelings. But now she’s gone and all that time I spent caregiving, or organizing other people to provide care, coordinating doctors visits, the hospice nurses, et cetera is open to do…what exactly?

Now, don’t get it twisted I still have 2 young children under 4. I also have 3 dogs and a house and a husband. I am still busy. But there is a spaciousness I haven’t experienced since 2019. And it seems the feelings, as much as I hate to admit it, are catching up with me. So follow along as I process, out loud here, the last 4 (holy shit - 4 years?!) years.

*Please note I am skeptical at best about all of these things BUT they are an easy way to describe these parts of my personality.

The Eller-Isaacs Family in our early 90’s glory. My parents are the two grown ups. I am the adorable one in the right corner. Did I mention I am the youngest? By a lot.